


only us

by Set_Suna



Series: Pogtopia Breakdown [14]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned manipulation, No Beta We Die Like Wilbur in Skyblockle, Platonic Affection, Self-Worth Issues, Trauma, give these boys a BREAK
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29322180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Set_Suna/pseuds/Set_Suna
Summary: Tubbo’d done a lot of thinking since that day. He’d had a lot of time to himself while he built a new community from the ground up. Without Dream stalking their every move, they were free. They could do whatever they wanted. At least, that was what he thought in that first moment, when they ran back through the portal and through the SMP, laughing their heads off in glee. No one much minded what Tubbo did, he realized soon enough. Everyone’s eyes, however, still laid on Tommy. He realized it that day when he and Jack tested the nuke, when he and Niki stared angrily at Tommy across the crater, as if his mere existence in the same space as them was inconvenient. He realized it when Bad and Ant tried to trap them with the Egg, only stopping when Sam Nook stepped in to protect them. So many people still treated Tommy like a nuisance, like all of their problems werehisfault. And it was unfair.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: Pogtopia Breakdown [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1986469
Comments: 5
Kudos: 131





	only us

**Author's Note:**

> listen I realized Only Us from Dear Evan Hansen was a Tommy and Tubbo song and wrote this in like three days its not even the Pogtopia Breakdown part I was working on before but here it is enjoy
> 
> also shoutout to Karmic who only endorses my behavior love you <3

Tubbo huffed, swiping a gloved hand across his forehead to dry it of the cool sweat that had built there. Snowchester was as freezing cold as ever, but that didn’t stop his body from working up some heat. The new wall was nearly done, just a bit more of the wood fencing needed taken down and replaced with stone. He placed his hands on his hips, staring at where the wall slid down the hill and met the ocean. The water was a deep blue, next to pale snow and connecting with the gray sky on the horizon.

He found himself staring at the land he’d claimed as his own a lot lately. He wondered if this was really the right thing to do, to cordon off this section of earth for him and the few people he allowed inside. It had the base, the format, if not missing a few things, of L’manberg. There was a wall, a declaration of independence, and a home for those lost and without one. He strictly decreed that, no, it wasn’t a government. It wasn’t a new nation wanting conflict or strife, it was a collective. A territory for those in need of reprieve. A place to start all over again. 

He sighed, turning from the wooden fence and running his hand along the freshly placed stone. He began the trek back to the main area, head tilted back to gaze up at the sky. It would probably cause trouble, in it’s own time. He just hoped the world would give them a minute. All he wanted was one moment of peace before everything turned harsh and bloody again. That was all these walls were for, not for separating them from everything and everyone, just for keeping the things that did want to hurt them out. Snowchester had no other purpose than that.

The snow crunched under his boots. Gentle snowflakes fell from the sky, getting caught in the fur of his hat and coat and layering on top of the perpetual white that was always there. Smoke puffed from his chimney, showing someone had decided to come and visit. The frame of Puffy’s house sat on the hill, promising a new resident and friend. Most of the people who had built a house here didn’t seem like the types to cause too much trouble, but Jack was--pun unintended--on thin ice. Tommy didn’t trust him, so Tubbo wouldn’t, either. Otherwise, the sleepy town was peaceful.

He stamped up the stairs to his front door, watching the clumps of snow fall off his boots and tumble down the steps. He slipped inside, sighing as he was hit with a wall of heat. He tugged off his boots, bouncing back and forth as he struggled.

“Welcome back,” Tommy’s voice called.

“Thank you!” Tubbo called back.

He tumbled into the living room, ditching his coat and hat on the floor. Tommy was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch in front of the fire. His eyes were red, and Tubbo felt himself deflate. Something happened. He collapsed next to his best friend, pressing himself as close to his side as he could get. He stared into the flickering flames, feeling Tommy’s shuddering exhale. 

“I’m almost done upgrading the walls,” he said, leaning his head against Tommy’s shoulder. “Stone’s a lot less breakable.”

Tommy hummed in acknowledgement. He offered, “The hotel’s coming along okay. The Egg has been a bit of a problem, but… it’s not too bad.”

“I wish someone would just deal with it already,” Tubbo murmured, shivering. “It’s got a lot of bad vibes.”

“Yeah,” Tommy agreed quietly. He paused, staring down at his hands as he fiddled with his fingers. “Sam Nook asked me to deal with it.”

“What?” Tubbo asked incredulously, sitting up to look at Tommy’s face. “That’s ridiculous!”

Tommy shrugged uncomfortably, refusing to look up. “It’s not like I’m not used to it.”

“You shouldn’t be! That’s the whole point!” Tubbo exclaimed, putting his hands on Tommy’s shoulders. “It’s not your responsibility to take on all the server’s problems on your own.”

He finally looked at him, then. His eyes were watery and his shoulders were tense. Tubbo’d done a lot of thinking since that day. He’d had a lot of time to himself while he built a new community from the ground up. Without Dream stalking their every move, they were free. They could do whatever they wanted. At least, that was what he thought in that first moment, when they ran back through the portal and through the SMP, laughing their heads off in glee. No one much minded what Tubbo did, he realized soon enough. Everyone’s eyes, however, still laid on Tommy. He realized it that day when he and Jack tested the nuke, when he and Niki stared angrily at Tommy across the crater, as if his mere existence in the same space as them was inconvenient. He realized it when Bad and Ant tried to trap them with the Egg, only stopping when Sam Nook stepped in to protect them. So many people still treated him like a nuisance, like all of their problems were _his_ fault. And it was unfair. 

It made Tubbo angrier than he ever thought he could be. Everyone did it. Everyone blamed Tommy for their struggles because it was convenient. He even did it once, too. It was the decision he regretted the most in his entire life. Everyone was too scared to do anything else. And it was obviously taking its toll. Tommy didn’t _ask_ to be the hero. No one ever does. And for all the work he put in and all the things he gave up, no one ever treated him like he deserved anything.

“Really?” Tommy prompted, voice thick. “Cause it’s all I’m useful for, apparently. For everyone to shove all their problems on me and then yell at me when it doesn’t work out. I’m not _worth_ anything to them, Tubbo.” He laughed sadly, reaching up to pull Tubbo’s hands off his shoulders. “I guess this is what Techno meant when he said we only thought of him as a weapon… I mean, it’s all I am, too.”

“That’s bullshit!” Tubbo exclaimed. “You are so much more than that.”

“Do you really believe that?” Tommy asked quietly. 

He asked it like it was the most unlikely thing in the world. He asked like he couldn’t be sure Tubbo meant it. It was heartbreaking. He felt like he could cry. He guessed he’d given Tommy his own fair share of trauma. He fell back against the couch, leaning heavily into Tommy’s side. Every single thing they’ve gone through, they’ve gone through together. Even during Tommy’s exile, Tubbo felt and remembered every painful second of it. Through it all, they’d never been treated the same. Everyone treated him like he was always perfect, like he was aloof and couldn’t defend himself. Everyone held Tommy, on the other hand, to impossibly high standards. He was Wilbur’s right hand in the war for L’manberg’s independence, he’d taken on being the head of Pogtopia once Wilbur stopped caring, he lead them into battle against Manberg, he faced Dream’s wrath continuously since the day of his exile, and almost no one had been on his side. Tommy had to prove himself over and over, time and time again, and Tubbo got off scot free. What sort of fucked up logic was that? How different were they? They were two halves of a whole, and one half of that whole was significantly different than the other. When Tubbo told Tommy he was himself without him, Tommy looked at him like he had no idea who that was. 

“I’ve caused everyone so much pain, Tubbo,” Tommy said, voice cracking. “Even you! They all hate me and-and I can’t help but see why. I know he fucked with my head and everything, but Dream was right. All I do is cause problems. If everyone just wants to use me as a weapon, maybe I should just do it so they won’t be mad. Maybe then they’ll just let me be.” 

Tubbo swallowed. He blinked, and tears pushed down his cheeks. Why was he the one crying? He wasn’t the one the world had done a great injustice. 

“You don’t have to prove yourself to me, Tommy,” he whispered, glancing up to meet his best friend’s eyes. 

The look he received was teary. Tommy searched his face for some sort of lie, for any hint of insincerity. He wouldn’t find any. He looked like he had a million things to say, but also like he was speechless. 

“You know how this started. It’s always been you and me. If we have nothing else, we have each other, that’s what we’ve lived by,” he continued, trying to sound even a bit more positive. “You’re my best friend. I’m not gonna let this tear us apart now.” 

Tommy sputtered, voice breaking as he held back his tears, “But-But _why?_ Why do you still wanna be my friend? After everything I’ve done to you, why are you still taking a chance on me?”

“Because what’s past is past. It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t wanna hold on to all those things that hurt us,” Tubbo told him somberly, reaching out to take one of his hands in his. “We’re allowed to move on, Tommy, even if no one else does.” 

TNT and fireworks, discs and enderchests, walls and nations, memories of each would be burnt into both of their minds forever. Yeah, he’d admit it, they both had trauma. But the thing is, they shared it. The benefits of having an inseparable best friend: you never did anything alone. Tubbo was better at hiding his emotions, at being strong for a little while longer, at knowing when and where to back down in order to save what he loved. It didn’t mean he was perfect. Nobody was. It just meant he felt a little more responsible, because he felt like this outcome was at least partially his fault. It came back to Snowchester’s purpose: a reprieve from the fighting and the blame and the hatred, the explosions and the manipulation and the symphonies. All Tubbo wanted was a break, and he wished Tommy would take one with him. 

Tommy’s expression cracked. The tears building in his eyes broke free and he fell forward, gripping the back of Tubbo’s shirt in his hands. Tubbo hugged him right back, letting the tears fall from his face as his best friend cried into his chest. It was about time they both had a good cry. 

He stayed silent, just listening and waiting as Tommy’s sobs turned gentle, as grief turned to exhaustion. He ran his fingers through the knots in Tommy’s hair absentmindedly. Being patient was nothing new. Tommy always needed patience. He was one of the few people willing to give it to him. 

“I still don’t know what’d I be without you,” he mumbled into Tubbo’s shirt. 

“Well, I think I do,” Tubbo responded, staring at the top of Tommy’s head. “You’d still be loud, and get angry on my behalf. I think you’d still make the hotel. I think you’d think I’d like that, and I would. Maybe you’d finally decide to work a bit harder, stop complaining when Sam Nook gives you things to do for the hotel, but you’d still be a bit lazy, considering you still hired him. I think you’d visit Ranboo in the arctic, maybe make up with Techno and try to work things out with Phil. Maybe you’d bring back Wil together. I think you’d fight the Egg, but this time because you wanted to, not because everyone asked you to. I think you’d do it to protect the peace you made. You’d still be a good person, Tommy. We’d still be each other’s sidekicks.”

Tommy sniffled, shifting to lean his head against Tubbo’s shoulder. “I… I think I’d be okay with that. Or, at least I could figure out how to be.” 

“I believe you could do it,” Tubbo agreed softly. 

Tommy hummed, nestling in when Tubbo wrapped an arm around his shoulders. This was the peace Tubbo wanted. He knew they would need time to heal, both their battle and emotional scars. He squeezed Tommy’s shoulders, willing him to stay awake for just a short while longer. 

“Do you just wanna stay in Snowchester with me for a bit? I think we could both use a break,” Tubbo prompted tiredly. "Get used to regular life again. Just the two of us."

He leaned forward when he didn’t get a response. Tommy’s eyes were closed, looking peacefully asleep. Tubbo smiled when he eventually answered, “Yeah… Yeah, I do.”

“Alright… thank you, Tommy,” Tubbo sighed, falling back against the couch. “Sleep well.”

Then, it was quiet. The fire had burnt down low and was crackling softly. The snow and chill outside was kept at bay. For once, Tubbo was sure he was content. He thought they could handle it, what problems they had left. The world outside Snowchester’s walls would live on without them. They would be getting some much needed rest. Tubbo would make sure of it. He decided then that he’d be the one doing the protecting, at least for a little while.

**Author's Note:**

>  _banging my fists on a table_ GAH
> 
> I appreciate any and all comments/kudos/bookmarks you choose to leave! 
> 
> You can follow my [tumblr](https://quibbels.tumblr.com/) for fic updates and my [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/quiblii) to see more stuff from me!


End file.
